A memoir story Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

A memoir story - Essay Example In all, a topic that should be inspirational is left as disturbing and depressing. Structurally, the first paragraph could be better by placing the first two sentences at the end of the paragraph. Also, all of the activity that took place at the hospital, and probably the church, could have been incorporated into one shorter paragraph and eliminate some of the redundant emotions. As an example, Kate gets introduced twice; once in the opening sentence and again in the body of the paragraph. Paragraphs three and four are both addressing the confusion of being faced with dying. These could be incorporated into one paragraph. The conclusion doesnt address the thesis. The premise of the essay was how life is a gift, but concludes with the writer waiting in heaven for their family to die. There were a number of grammar errors, mainly commas and the use of quotes. The quotes of the priest in paragraph four are used, but it is a statement of what he said, not his actual words. Also, the two sentences that comprise paragraph six should be incorporated into a longer paragraph that expresses a whole idea. In some strange way the day I found out I was going to die was the same day I began to live life to the fullest. It sounds like a hallmark card, I know, but it is the truth. [place at the end of the paragraph] When I left the doctor’s office I could not believe what I had heard. I thought I was going to be okay, I mean I had the hysterectomy, radiation and chemo. I did exactly what the doctors told me to do. He must be wrong; one year is not nearly enough time with the kids. â€Å"I am not going to see my girls graduate, I will not be present at their weddings, I will not have grandchildren,†[should be a period here] these are all the thoughts that were running rampant in my mind. I could feel my heart racing; my breathing was erratic and shallow. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I felt myself being sucked into a big black hole. Everything around